I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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