Just fell off a train. Bad.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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