It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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