I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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