I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
