Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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