I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
