Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
