you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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