Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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