so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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