You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
