The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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