batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
