we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
