I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
