Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
