You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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