once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
