So drunk its hurt
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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