if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
