before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just forgot I was standing up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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