is your mom at the bar?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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