you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Your penis caused this!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
