if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We have started to decorate penises.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
