The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
