i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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