pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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