drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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