You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
