i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
