I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
