somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
