its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
