Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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