No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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