i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
