I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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