You're completely useless in the revolution.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
