If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
