He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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