i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
