we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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