She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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