This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
