Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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