end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize