Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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