i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
