I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
