Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
