Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
