is your mom at the bar?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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