i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
