Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
