i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize