I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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