yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She bit a glass in half.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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