I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
