she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
