party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My bed smells like the plague
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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