: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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