There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
