I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
