I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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