yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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