apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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