Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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