good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
