Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
