My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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