There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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