Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
