just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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