remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Say something about gay babies.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
