Umm I'm too high to move.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
