I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
