Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
