My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize