You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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