Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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