Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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